I'm not one for rambling about my life but I have had a lot of time to think lately and have had a few important life decisions to think about. For some reason I have grabbed my laptop and started writing, so who knows how this post will turn out so just bear with me on this one.
Since graduating university there seems to be a common theme in conversation no matter who it is with- 'oh what are your plans now you have finished?' and the truthful answer is I honestly don't know. I thought I would have known what I wanted to do by now but I'm sat here thinking nope, no idea, who knows. It's grating on me that people keep commenting about how this is the time in my life where I can do anything I want, travel the world, get a job etc etc- and all I want to reply is yes I know I can do anything that's the whole point as to why its so frustrating! For once I have too many options available to me and its really getting me down. I don't deal well with pressure and when people keep asking me and reminding me I need to decide it just makes me feel worse.
To help me decide I tried writing a list of all the things I fancied doing in terms of a job or a goal and it just made things worse. My list included following a career in law, owning and running my own tea rooms, becoming a dance teacher and going into business. Like I really couldn't have picked more random things to want to do. It got to the point where I had applied and been interviewed to start a PGCE in September only to realise that it's not really what I want to do. I was only doing it because I didn't know what else to do and at least when people asked, I had a decent response, a plan of some sort.
I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm starting to realise it's ok to not know what to do or exactly where you're going. Yes there is a lot of pressure but don't let it rule the way you live your life. If you don't want to go to uni then don't, if you want a 9-5 job instead of travelling the world, that's ok too. At the end of the day who knows exactly what they are going to do and where they will be this time next year? I'm going to use this time to try and figure out what I want to do and if that means making a few mistakes along the way then so be it. I don't need to have a definitive plan as long as I'm happy. In fact, I am going to relish in the unknown and enjoy having a bit of freedom for once even if it is incredibly daunting to me right now.
Chrissy x
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